Thursday, May 10, 2012

The 84th Academy Awards - Live Review

RYAN: Seeing Billy back as host is like getting back into your own bed after a long vacation away.

CAROLINE: OMG I know. He's just the perfect fit for host. And nothing is better than when he inserts himself in the movies. I'll never get tired of it. But what's with the funky audio?

RYAN: Totally. It's random. But thank God he's doing a musical number! It may be the only one we get all night so I'm savoring it!

CAROLINE: Hugo wins for Cinematography! Take that The Artist.

RYAN: Well they were both gorgeous-looking and they're the top nominated films of the night, so...

CAROLINE: And for Art Direction, it's Hugo again!

RYAN: Holy Shizz! Could it win Best Picture tonight?

CAROLINE: Nary a chance.

RYAN: And it's time for the first movie montage of the night. Let's brace ourselves. So far the show seems like a really safe, classy production - celebrating the community experience we share as an audience going to the movies.

CAROLINE: Yeah, I like it, but they better not push it with the cheese factor. Whoa, Cam and J.Lo match! You know they didn't plan that. It looks nice though.

RYAN: And the winner for Costume Design is... The Artist.

CAROLINE: Ew, I'm already tanking in my office Oscar pool. Oh well.

RYAN: And for Best Makeup, we have The Iron Lady. Not a shock; they really transformed Meryl for that role.

CAROLINE: This was a tight race this year. Lots of amazing makeup jobs, including your fave of the year, HP, bien sur.

RYAN: The Iron Lady winning over Harry Potter 7 Part 2 is just the perfect example of the majority of Oscar voters being old men. That frustrates me a lil bit.

: Excuse me, Cam & J.Lo... what was with that over-the-shoulder turn.

RYAN: Fail. How embarrassing. This isn't the VMAs, ladies.

CAROLINE: I am loving how tight the acceptance speeches are so far.

RYAN: Usually there's a Supporting Actor category announced by now... the suspense is killing me!

RYAN: Whoa who died Sandy B?

CAROLINE: Oh, it's a joke. [laughs]

RYAN: Nice foreign language! She doesn't look fabulous though. That dress makes her look very first trimester.

CAROLINE: [laughs] And the Oscar for Foreign Language film goes to A Separation. And Christian Bale is pulling off the black on black so much better than Jonah Hill. Take note, Jonah!

RYAN: It's the first major category of the night - Supporting Actress... Octavia Spencer! She looks phenom.

CAROLINE: This is no surprise. She won every award this season.

RYAN: I'm just gonna say it. I think the actors should be allowed more time than other categories during their acceptance speeches.

CAROLINE: I'd allow that.

RYAN: I'm not really feeling this outro commercial violin/percussion music.

CAROLINE: It is random. Is that Sheila E.?

RYAN: OMG I'm dying! A Wizard of Oz moment! And it's the Christopher Guest people!

CAROLINE: Love them!! Fred Willard is hilar.

RYAN: That made my night.

CAROLINE: OK, how much is Tina Fey loving presenting with B. Cooper?

RYAN: Honey, who wouldn't? But his dye job is hein.

CAROLINE: And the mustache! Best Film Editing goes to Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Totally deserved.

RYAN: That's interesting. I bet no one had that in their Oscar polls.

CAROLINE: Clearly, the winners weren't expecting it either. These guys do excellent work.

RYAN: But c'mon.... if you're nominated, you have to prepare a speech. Oscars 101, seriously.

CAROLINE: Hugo wins another one for Sound Editing.

RYAN: And Hugo wins again for Sound Mixing. The team of The Artist has to be feeling a bit down at this point.

CAROLINE: Honey, these are the two sound categories.

RYAN: Oh, that's right.

CAROLINE: And the much blogged about Muppets appearance is here.

RYAN: I love them. I'm a Piggy fan. Does Kermit have a head cold? Wait - here's the Cirque du Soleil moment. It's brill!

CAROLINE: Wow, amazing! My jaw is hanging open.

RYAN: OMG I'm loving RDJ - He's clearly making fun of Sacha Baron Cohen. And he has great chemistry with Gwyn. Love them as costars in Iron Man too.

CAROLINE: Yeah - they're doing schtick but it's working.

RYAN: Undefeated wins Documentary.

CAROLINE: Isn't that a football movie? Sorry, but I couldn't care less.

RYAN: Rango wins Best Animated Feature... but meanwhile I love Melissa McCarthy's silver shoes!

CAROLINE: OMG Emma Stone, hilarious! At first, I was like, "What is she doing?!" But then I was dying laughing. That was ballsy and brilliant.

RYAN: I love her.

RYAN: Noooooo! How does Harry Potter not win Visual Effects!?!?! I'm profoundly angered!

CAROLINE: Honey, consider the voters and their elderly-ness... it's Hugo again.

RYAN: And Supporting Actor goes to Christopher Plummer, of course.

CAROLINE: Just like Octavia, he's also won every award this season. It's so deserved. No upsets the major categories anyway.

RYAN: It's nice Melissa Leo kept it classy tonight. Congrats Christopher! And for a gay role... I'm happy for our Captain Von Trapp.

CAROLINE: So happy! But Melissa Leo looked like she was wearing bedazzled pajamas.

CAROLINE: I'd like to pause and say Billy Crystal is doing a great job; not that I'm surprised. He's a natural.

RYAN: He's fab. He is just so funny! And his face isn't even as scary as usual.

CAROLINE: I'll also take a moment to say how glam and gorge Meryl looks! It's a rarity for her; she's usually frumpy.

RYAN: Best Score goes to The Artist and that's a good one.

CAROLINE: Will and Zach are hilar. I'm hit-or-miss on both of them, but this is funny.

RYAN: So far, all the presenters are amazingly entertaining!

CAROLINE: And the Original Song winner is Man or Muppet. I didn't see that movie, but I love me some Bret from Flight of the Conchords.

RYAN: That was my least favorite song in the movie but what can we do about that now? [laughs]

CAROLINE: As predicted, The Descendants wins for Adapted Screenplay. And if Angelina doesn't start eating soon, I'm staging an intervention.

RYAN: I know! But that pose she struck was fierce! She's my best dressed at the show. I liked Gwyneth best on the carpet, but Angie takes it on stage.

CAROLINE: And also as expected, Original Screenplay goes to Midnight in Paris.

RYAN: Milla Jovovich looks gorge and I'm actually glad to see how real and nervous she looks.

CAROLINE: LBH, she's lucky to be there.

RYAN: OK, how smart of them to have the Bridesmaids girls present the Short Film to The Shore, since no one cares about these categories.

CAROLINE: They're funny, of course, but I wish Kristen Wiig would stop wearing flesh tone dresses.

CAROLINE: Animated Short is The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore and now it's time for the final four biggies! And someone please tell Rose Byrne to eat something!

RYAN: Michael Douglas looks great. I'm very excited for his Liberace biopic in 2013.

CAROLINE: Eek, I feel like I can hear a little rasp in his voice from the cancer. He does look good though, all things considered. And the award for Best Director goes to Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist.

RYAN: Like the Leading Actor categories, there were really two frontrunners here. It was between Michel and Scorsese.

CAROLINE: Well done, Meryl, but Oprah doesn't even get to go on stage to wave? How embarrassing.

CAROLINE: Ah, the dead people.

RYAN: Argh, this is just another speed bump preventing us from getting to the big ones! Let's move it, people. I have to get up early to review this shizz.

CAROLINE: OMG here it is - Best Actor. I'm so essited. Geez, I almost forgot Natalie won last year; she's been so under the radar since having a baby.

RYAN: She clearly hasn't struggled to lose the baby weight.

CAROLINE: Yay, Jean Dujardin! I would have been thrilled for a Clooney win too but Jean was just so charming in The Artist. And excusez moi, but he's kind of zexy.

RYAN: Finally, a surprise! Quel relief.

CAROLINE: Seriously? Jean was a shoo-in. He won the BAFTA and the SAG. It was a done deal.

RYAN: I know it was between him and George but I still thought George was the favored.

CAROLINE: And Best Actress... It's between Viola and Meryl.

RYAN: Meryl wins! Wow! Now that is a bit more of a surprise!

CAROLINE: I totally thought it would be Viola. I'm in shock.

RYAN: I think most people bet on Viola, but 17 nominations! And though The Iron Lady wasn't anyone's favorite movie, when you see it Meryl really does just shut it down.

CAROLINE: OMG Meryl's shout-out to her husband was the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

CAROLINE: And finally, Best Picture - The Artist! Quel surprise - just kidding.

RYAN: Once again, tonight's show did not disappoint. It's the embodiment of glam. We're already looking forward to next year!

CAROLINE: I must say, the show this year was a little earnest... all that "magic of the movies" stuff. I mean, I agree, and I love going to the movies; but it was a little cheesy.

RYAN: Nonetheless, I enjoyed it. It's always my fave night of the year!


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